just ranting

i don’t know if it’s bipolar or depression or gangguan mistik that has got a hold of my heart or if it’s just a mood swing.. i don’t freaking know..

a friend of mine asked,
Z : is there anything that happened in your life that u still cannot accept?
ME : as a matter of fact, there is..
Z : then, i don’t think it’s just a mood swing.. i’ve been doing some reading, just to educate myself about mental health.. and i’m not in the place to make a conclusion and all that as i’m not a psych or even in medical field.. but one of the reason that i’ve read is that ko ada benda yg ko tak redha lagi dalam hidup ko.. ko takleh terima.. so i think better ko pergi check, confirmkan betul2 whether it’s real or not and it becomes worse..


i don’t know if it is because i tend to talk about it with a few people (kind of a lot actually).. but as far as i know, these people (that have mental issue) tend to keep it for themselves.. while me... kept on talking, and do nothing about it.. or maybe that means i’m an attention seeking bitch.. which is odd.. i’m proud of myself when i managed to become invisible most of the time, especially my circle of friends, most of them are the kind that stand out..A LOT.. eg: the most problematic one..the one that always speaks the bitter truth (also got the sharpest tongue)..PMC ladies intake.. PMC ladies.. i am close with all of them, individually..

people know i existed, they just don’t know who i am.. even i, as an individu, supposedly would stand out a lot.. but i can make myself invisible.. super skinny for my height, all boney.. the only ‘dewi’ for girl cadet..most senior girl there (hence : dewi, for guys : dewa) 🤣🤣.. the only extend girl (hence: most sr)..it’s a big deal in my uni as the juniors have to know ALL of the seniors (yes, i meant ALL) regardless their batch or major.. especially the most senior ones.. and despite being the one and only dewi, none of them knew who.. yes, i’m proud of that.. hahahahaha

or.. is it because of i didn’t get paid attention to, i’m becoming an attention seeker?
haishhh.. there’s a lot of possibilities..ahhh aku da pening.. tido lagi best